Manic Tuesdays

Feeling a little manic. Probably has a lot to do with the huge coffee I had about two hours ago. It was good to see Becca. She's so lovely - off to Sweden soon to start her new life. Pregnant too. But that's a secret. She's lost two recently and is just praying that this one will stay. I don't envy her at all. To have another baby - yuk. The weight of that responsibility, all that love...

Meeting Emma soon for lunch. I know I'm lucky. Coffee, lunch, lady of leisure. But I'm feeling pretty crap about myself, about not working. What do I do? - sit here and write stories (sometimes) that don't sell; swan off to the university, to learn what? Learn about more stories, how other people have written them, but for what? I got such a sense of achievement yesterday after doing nothing but write for twenty minutes (thanks to writeordie.com) but then I thought - what's it all for? What will it become? Now that I'm starting to write about my brother I don't know if I have the talent or guts to pull it off. I'll soon see.

I'll stop moaning now, because there really is nothing the matter. I am so lucky to be living the life I lead. So lucky to be living in the country. So lucky to have healthy happy boys. To whinge is ungracious, ungrateful, wank.