Paranoia

I've got one of those horrible paranoid feelings I get. I think I need some space and some time for me, because at the moment I don't feel safe. It's an unspecific feeling of fear, and is located between my shoulder blades. It's probably lack of sleep or a new living place, but nothing feels quite right. I know it's a warning. I've got to take it easy or things start to slip.

I could say it began when Mum said she wanted to take Barnaby off for a week so they could enjoy themselves; I could say it began when they went to Kentwell Hall without me and I was afraid of my Dad's driving all of a sudden and what might happen to the boys. I held my phone like a talisman all that day. I could say it started when I moved to this house and the trains rumbled into my consciousness, blaring their horns from a distance, cutting close, close to the village. It could have been any of these things, most likely it's all of them, and lack of sleep and the shadow of my dissertation that I can't yet bring into the light.